I Won't Let Go...Ft. Meade...Saying Goodbyes...

Holy Moly it's been a long ass time since I've written on here...January... Lots has happened since then.

Let's see... My cyst from the last post eventually went away... I did start injections but got really sick and had to discontinue... So since then I've NOT made it back don to San Antonio to the fertility doctor.  It's been one thing after another... And I'm starting to feel sad and bitter again, but oh well it's in God's hands now... Such is life right?

We are moving in 72 days.  HOLY SHIT!  It's going to be so exciting to be close to a big city again!!  In Baltimore, there are at least 5 EXCELLENT clinics that accept TRICARE insurance! I can't wait!  We get on the housing list next week and leave Texas on July 13th, my birthday!!!!!  I will have four seasons again and can't wait to experience the EAST COAST!

My friend and her son are staying with us until they PCS.  She just got home from Afghanistan and is so happy to be home! I missed her so much and it's nice to have her back!  She's amazing.  AND... We will only be like 2 hours away from each other at our next duty stations!

Some days I get down about not being a mom yet.  I do feel as if I've failed my husband some days, but I have the most amazing support and love from him through this "journey".  I hate seeing women treat their children poorly.  It disgusts me... I just love babies and can't wait to have my own.

I've been feeling very upset and blah this week.  I miss my angel, even though it was a short lived pregnancy.  It's just not fair sometimes, but God's got us. :)  It's almost a year (next week the 5th) that I had my miscarriage and ALL I've seen ALL week is freaking stupid pregnant ladies and new babies.  I know it shouldn't disgust me, but I truly was not happy that they had something I didn't.  The thought of the mother who drove her kids into the Hudson really got to me.  I don't believe that everybody has the capabilities and love to be a mother.  I feel that God's gift is sometimes abused and taken for granted.

So the moving stress begins of talking to TMO, finding post housing, traveling across country.  We are making a pit stop in my home town which will be nice.  I'm ready to gamble a bit in the mountains and just relax.  It also really sucks to have to say good bye to all my friends and go meet new people... UGH!  It's not easy on my business either, but luckily I can start back up where ever I go and get new clients!  :)

I honestly have NOT bought ANYTHING baby... Even though I see things all the time, I don't want to jinx us by buying all sorts of things and then never get pregnant again.  Maybe I will change my thinking on this...

I am hoping my gallbladder will come out soon since I've been having issues with it for over a month and a half now.  ANNOYING!  I can't eat without hurting, drinking is starting to hurt... It's got to come out because I'm OVER IT!  It's only functioning at 33%... So ow I wait to see the surgeon on the 10th! YAY!  Typically I hate surgery and have had plenty of them, but this is just not OK to hurt all the time... Plus side though, I'm 13 lbs lighter!!!!!!!! YAY! LOL.

I will try to keep up more on blogging... Baby dust to those trying and healthy babies to those who are pregnant! :)